


Mint To Be

by niniblack



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Candy Canes, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Don't Try This At Home, Erik Being Cocky, M/M, Sounding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niniblack/pseuds/niniblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik could admit, as he sat in the waiting room at the ER, that perhaps shoving a candy cane in his dick was not the smartest thing he’d ever done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mint To Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Butterynutjob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterynutjob/gifts).



> For [ButteryNutJob](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterynutjob/pseuds/Butterynutjob)'s prompt: "It turns out sounding with a candy cane is a bad idea." Thank you to Sarah for being a bad influence.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. You probably shouldn't try this at home.

Erik could admit, as he sat in the waiting room at the ER, that perhaps shoving a candy cane in his dick was not the smartest thing he’d ever done.

Erik couldn't quite say what had made him try it. He'd been horny, bored, and a bit drunk, and the candy cane was just _there_. While it had been interesting at first, uncomfortable in a way that came _just_ this close to pleasurable, it had quickly taken a turn for the worse when the candy cane snapped in half, part of it now stuck in his urethra.

It turned out that there were no answers on Google for how to remove part of a candy cane from one’s penis. He’d tried asking on Reddit, but none of the responses had been very helpful. One person had suggested going to the hospital before it got infected and his dick fell off, which Erik thought was pretty sound advice.

“Erik Lehnsherr?”

Erik looked up to find a nurse beckoning him back into the exam rooms. A really cute nurse, actually. He was a bit short, with floppy brown hair and freckles, and, Erik thought as he followed him, a really nice ass.

The nurse led him to a bed that was curtained off from the rest of the room, gesturing towards the bed for Erik to sit. “Please have a seat, Mr. Lehnsherr--”

“Erik,” Erik interrupted. “You can call me Erik.”

The nurse raised an eyebrow at him. “Alright, _Erik_ , please have a seat. My name is Charles and I’ll--”

“Hi Charles,” Erik interrupted again, making sure to give Charles his most charming smile.

Charles looked a bit bemused now. “Hello Erik. Now, I'll be your nurse this evening. Dr. McCoy is attending and he’ll be in shortly. Can you tell me what’s brought you in today?”

Erik wondered, for the first time, if he should be embarrassed about having stuck a candy cane in his dick. He hadn't expected the nurse to be so cute. Well, nothing for it, he decided. It was too late for regrets now. “I tried sounding with a candy cane,” Erik said. “It broke.”

Charles had an excellent poker face and didn't even bat an eye at this revelation. “That sounds painful,” he said, moving towards the equipment at the side of the bed. “I need to take your vitals, please lie back.”

Erik watched Charles’ face closely as Charles took his temperature and blood pressure. Charles had the bluest eyes Erik had ever seen, framed by long lashes, and a smattering of freckles across his cheeks. When Charles glanced up to meet his eyes, Erik tried using his charming smile again. Charles looked away quickly, making more notes on Erik’s chart.

“Everything looks good,” Charles said, putting the blood pressure cuff away. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with Dr. McCoy. Please take your pants off and--”

“Well, if you insist,” Erik said with a smirk, reaching for the tie on the sweatpants he was wearing.

“And put this gown on,” Charles continued, acting as if Erik hadn't interrupted, dropping said gown on the bed next to Erik. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Bye Charles,” Erik said, grinning when Charles shook his head at him before ducking around the curtain.

Dr. McCoy was the tall, nerdy type. He stuttered a bit nervously as he handled Erik’s penis, feeling for where the candy cane was lodged inside.

“Well,” Dr. McCoy said, “it's going to be a bit more difficult to remove since it’s sticky, and prone to breaking into pieces. You really shouldn’t insert food into your urethra.”

“You can get it out, right?” Erik asked.

“Oh, certainly,” Dr. McCoy said. He pulled Charles back outside the curtain to talk, leaving Erik alone. He debated covering himself up again, but decided there was no point.

“Alright Erik,” Charles said, coming back around the curtain. “Ready to get started?”

Erik leaned back on the bed, crossing his arms behind his head, and grinned. “Let’s find out.”

Charles looked like he wanted to roll his eyes but was forcing himself to be professional, which just made Erik grin harder. He gathered some supplies and pulled up a stool next to the bed.

Erik jumped when Charles wrapped a gloved hand around his cock, pulling it up to prod along the underside. “Try to keep still,” Charles murmured, attention focused entirely on what he was doing.

It was actually really hot to have someone focus that much attention on his cock, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world, and Erik found himself hardening in Charles’ grip.

He had the presence of mind to feel a bit bad about that, since really Charles was just doing his job and probably thought Erik was some sort of pervert who regularly stuck candy in his dick. “Sorry,” Erik said.

“That’s quite normal.” Charles sneaked a glance up at Erik’s face, smiling reassuringly. “Though you are rather bi--” he stopped, clearing his throat, and Erik wondered what he’d been about to say. “Um, that is, it's a natural reaction,” Charles said, before going back to his examination. As he prodded his fingers beneath Erik’s balls he added, “It actually helps if you maintain an erection for this; makes it less painful.”

Erik stared at Charles’ gloved fingers, still wrapped around his cock, then at his face, brow furrowed in concentration and a hint of teeth where he was biting his lip, making it look even redder than before. “I don't think that will be a problem,” Erik said.

Charles’ shoulders shook a bit, holding in a laugh. “So I’m curious, and you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't want to, please don't feel pressured to do so, but what made you decide that using a _candy cane_ was a good idea?” He glanced up at Erik again. “They're horribly sticky. Not to mention that the peppermint must burn quite a bit.”

Erik shrugged. “I was drunk and bored.”

“Well,” Charles said, “that does seems to be why most people do things that land them in the emergency room.” After a moment of silence he said, “Ah! There it is. Can you feel that?”

Erik was having trouble feeling more than Charles’ hands on him, but tried to focus on where Charles was poking him. “I guess?”

“Here,” Charles said, taking Erik’s hand in his and placing it where he’d been touching Erik. “Right here, you can feel a bit of the obstruction.”

Erik couldn't really feel it with his fingers, but did feel an odd twinge inside when he poked the area. “Oh,” he said.

“Now to get it out,” Charles said. “This is the not so fun part. Ready?”

Erik lay back again and tried to relax. “Go for it,” he said.

Charles was right that removing the candy cane was the not so fun part. It was messy and rather painful --  not in the good way that inserting it had been -- but Erik did feel relieved when it was finally out. 

Charles dropped the piece of candy cane in the little metal dish with a clang. “There we go,” he said. “It came out in one piece, thankfully, so we’re done with the hard part.” He rolled away from the bed, snapping his gloves off and putting the supplies away. “I’ll go let Dr. McCoy know and he’ll be back to discuss aftercare with you.”

“That’s it?” Erik asked.

“That's it,” Charles said, nodding. “You’ll need to take some antibiotics and watch closely for infection. It will probably be painful to urinate for a while, but that should pass as the urethra heals. I would recommend waiting a couple weeks before sticking anything else in it, and next time you might want to invest in some proper tools.”

“Are you trying to sell me sex toys?” Erik asked.

Charles blushed, just a tiny bit, which seemed utterly incongruous with how matter of fact he’d been about handling Erik’s penis mere minutes before. “I'm just saying, they do make tools for this that have less risk of injury and infection than a candy cane.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Erik said, still amused.

“Right,” Charles said, backing away towards the curtain. “I’ll be back with Dr. McCoy, then we can get you discharged.”

He ducked around the curtain before Erik could say anything, leaving Erik alone and naked from the waist down again. Dr. McCoy was very quick with his examination, handing off the chart and discharge instructions to Charles before hurrying off again.

“He seems busy,” Erik commented.

Charles shrugged. “Weekends are usually busy. I’ll leave you to get dressed and be back with your prescription.”

He left again, leaving Erik to pull his clothes back on. When he got back he handed Erik a bottle of pills and a stack of printouts. “Take one of these every morning, preferably with food, until the entire bottle is gone. You can also take some over the counter Tylenol for any pain or discomfort.”

Erik flipped through the papers he’d been handed; they seemed to be about safe sex practices.

“Are you ready to go?” Charles asked. “I’ll walk you back to the front desk.”

“Sure,” Erik said, following after him and taking the opportunity to stare at Charles’ ass again. When they got to the door Charles looked ready to say goodbye, so Erik quickly asked, “When is your shift over?”

“What?” Charles looked surprised.

“I’d like to buy you a drink,” Erik said. At the still skeptical expression on Charles’ face, he quickly added, “Or dinner. Or whatever you want, really.”

Charles was frowning at him, but doing it fondly. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes,” Erik said.

“After I just spent the last hour removing a candy cane from your penis?”

“Yes,” Erik repeated, smirking this time.

Charles shook his head, but he was smiling. “I really can't date patients, I'm sorry.”

Erik backed up, pushing the door open behind him, until he was standing on the other side of the threshold. “There, I'm no longer a patient. Have dinner with me?”

Charles was still shaking his head. “I’ll never live it down if the others find out I went on a date with Candy Cane Dick.”

“I have a special name?” Erik asked, rather pleased with himself. “That’s awesome.”

Charles laughed, nodding.

“Come on,” Erik cajoled. “Just a drink.”

Charles still looked skeptical, but said, “I get off at 7.”

Erik grinned. “I’ll be waiting out front.”

“I didn't say I'd get a drink with you,” Charles pointed out. “I just said my shift ends at 7.”

“Uh huh,” Erik said, smirking. “I’ll see you at 7.” He started backing away, watching Charles’ face as the door swung shut again. He was laughing still, and Erik decided he liked making Charles laugh.

7 o’ clock gave him just enough time to run home and shower before coming back, so Erik headed towards the exit with a grin. He was going to have to go back and edit that Reddit post to let everyone know that sticking a candy cane up one’s dick was an excellent way to meet cute nurses.

**Author's Note:**

> HELP! There is a candy cane stuck in my dick (self.sounding)  
> 8 hours ago by * (last edited 2 hours ago) MagnetoRox
> 
> I tried sounding with a candy cane and it broke. How do I get it out? It kind of burns.
> 
> ETA: No I'm not posting photos.
> 
> ETA 2: Went to the ER, as suggested by /u/ImVeryGlansToMeetYou. EXTREMELY cute nurse spent an hour handling my cock to get the candy cane out. Currently headed back to the hospital to pick up cute nurse after his shift ends for a drink. 
> 
> Lesson learned: sticking candy up your dick = hot date


End file.
